Attachment Styles

Holy moly is this a big topic to tackle... but I hope to break it down simply enough for anyone to be able to apply it to their own life. 

Attachment styles are one of my favorite things to talk about with patients (and sometimes even friends)! I am a firm believer in giving recognition to where the theories we integrate into practices started from. The Attachment Theory was originally proposed by Dr. Bowlby, who was studying a phenomenon we now call separation anxiety in infants. Through his studies, he came to believe that an infant's behavior (i.e., crying, searching for one's caregiver, etc.) was an adaptive way to cope with the separation from, what he called, the primary attachment figure (i.e., the parent/caregiver). Fast forward several years to Dr. Mary Ainsworth's continuation of Dr. Bowlby's studies. Dr. Ainsworth conducted a study with infants in which her and her student's identified the three primary attachment styles that we often refer to when talking about attachment today: secure, anxious-resistant, and avoidant. Since then, other terminology has been used to refer to the same type of attachment styles, and one additional style has been added. We are going to talk about the following: 1) Secure; 2) Anxious/Preoccupied; 3) Avoidant/Dismissive; and 4) Avoidant/Dismissive styles of attachment. 

Before we break down each style, why is it important to know what our attachment style is in adulthood? Well, as Bowlby argued, our attachment style characterizes our human experience from the cradle to the grave; meaning, it stays with us and impacts the way we function with others throughout our entire life! Do you ever notice that you engage in certain patterns within your relationships, over and over and over again? Do you ever hear the same excuse from partners or friends about why they may need to terminate their relationship with you? Perhaps it is your attachment style at play! 

Secure Attachment: A secure attachment is developed when a caregiver is consistent, safe, attuned, caring, supportive, protective, and respectful toward the infant/child. As an adult, that person may have a positive self-esteem, a positive view of others, and a positive view of their childhood. They may be independent as a whole, although are willing to allow dependency on others for support when appropriate/needed. Their self-worth is healthy, and they likely have healthy and flexible boundaries in their relationships with others. This is what we aim for!  We want to have a secure attachment so that we can develop and maintain healthy relationships.