Boundaries
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Boundaries are so important in any relationship, but what are they? And how do we not only establish them, but maintain them? Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves in our relationships, which protect our sense of personal identity and informs others how we want to be treated.
Typically, we describe our boundaries as flexible, rigid, or loose. People with rigid boundaries tend to be "no" people, which prevents others from getting close to them. People with loose boundaries, on the other hand, tend to be "yes" people, which results in the "doormat" effect. Let's break down each type of boundary in more detail.
Loose Boundaries:
Loose boundaries are characterized by the oversharing of information - with anyone - despite the closeness or level of intimacy of the relationship. A person with loose boundaries may find themselves over-involved in other people's problems, and may say "yes" to all requests, even when it may be harmful to oneself. Really, this person fears saying no because of the possibility of rejections. The fear of rejection is amplified because the opinions of others strongly influence this person's self-identity and values.
Rigid Boundaries:
Rigid boundaries are characterized by aloofness - often cold and distant. These individuals do not allow others to get close to them, and are protective of the information they give to others. They may keep partners at an arms length for fear of rejection. However, rather than giving in to all requests to avoid rejection (like those with loose boundaries), these individuals just never allow others to get close enough to ask them for things. Last, these individuals often have difficulty asking for help, even when it is needed.
Flexible Boundaries:
Flexible boundaries are the healthiest and most adaptive type of boundaries. This is when a person values his/her own opinions and will not compromise their own values for others. These individuals know what they need and can assertively ask for them from others. They don't over or under share personal information, and can accept "no" for an answer.
To help begin setting and maintaining flexible boundaries, @psychcentralcom provides a few steps to take with anyone in your life:
1. Name your limits.
2. Tune into tour feelings.
3. Be Direct.
4. Give yourself permission to set and preserve your boundaries.
5. Practice self-awareness.
6. Consider your past and present environment.
7. Make self-care a priority.
8. Seek support.
9. Be assertive.
10. Start small.